Lord,
As I age I am starting to understand. I don’t conform. Give me James Taylor and Carole King. Give me foreign films over Marvel. I’d rather speak any other language than English. I reread my favorite books all the time. The memories I swore I wanted to forget are now the ones I long to remember. I long for the recipes of my grandparents. I’ve tried to recreate it, but it doesn’t compare. The people I didn’t want to be like as a child, are the ones that I wish I could see again. I don’t know if forty is magic, or if I’m too tired to fight fate. God brings you to your knee, but if needed, He will sit you down Indian-style like a child. Don’t ask how I know. My mind just went blank. The tears are falling. They’re not sad, but bittersweet that I’m becoming the person You desire me to be. I always thought following God’s will or plan was a chore. I’m starting to wonder if what I’ve fought for years is now a blessing. An honor and privilege. I don’t know if my bank account will make me amenable of societal love and adoration, but I will say that the fullness of contentment in my bones is worth it all.
I’ve been told that my faith is admirable, and honestly thank you, but I will give you insights into my faith if you’d like.
Many of the people who have been instrumental in my faith professed not to share my faith or have not at all. I found these individuals admirable because their cards were on the table face up. I didn’t have to try to determine their intent or seek if a modus operandi was hidden.
There have been a few members of the faith who have loved faithfully, and been the hands and feet of Jesus, and my gratitude for them is immense.
Let me say my joy has been multiplied when I stopped watching the news. The left and right flank of the parties who profess the faith make me question the church. I don’t fault God as I did in the past. I just wonder how free will is being used. I’m not judging. I’m not perfect. If you find offense, I’m inclined to believe that something I mentioned is causing you to think.
As a writer, if I don’t make you think, nothing changes. I’ve come to realize change is inevitable, so while the choice is yours, I’m choosing to change.
from R's rue https://ift.tt/QyOHvzU
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