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| The first gay card I received back in 1989 from Nu |
So what's it like being 58, gay and single?
The question was posed by an interested heterosexual male in his 40s
and it was a question of depth by someone with a brain
Like general life, being gay, single and in my sixth decade has its challenges for sure, but typical of us gays sex is the least of our problems as thanks to the internet and apps galore it is more than easy to find a suitable bed fellow if you so need one.
Men in general and gay men in particular seem to have varying rules when it comes down to sex.
Many ( and more than I expected to be honest) aspire to The Cake And Eat It Brigade
These are generally successful men who have a partner on their arm, some trendy furniture and a get out clause which says ( and sometimes often unsaid) that you can shag around if the mood takes you. Often there is a caveat here....which literally says don't shit on your own doorstep, but the rules are there ....do it but Don't talk about it !!!!
I am not sure I respect the Cake and eat it Brigade as much as I do the let's all get on shag fest going Brigade. At least if you share a third person or fourth or whatever your need is , it all open and above board with everyone knowing what the job in hand is.
I don't think my esteem could cope with The Shag Fest Brigade
I was always chosen last for games at school and in most theeesomes , one person is always on the periphery so to speak.
Then you have the App Queens, Now these vary considerably and have too many categories to list here with any detail but suffice to say every guy from 99% straight to 100% gay will be there. Some showing their face, some just teasing with a body shot at the gym that hides their identity from boyfriends, girlfriends, work, or whoever!
The anonymous ones who say they are 45 when they are well over 50 lie far too easily
In many cases a lot of these guys lie too easily.
The app encourages it.
Save for the desperate
But they are another story not for today
I'm not a prude, nor am I judging too much as the rule is that it's each to their own in the ways of the heart.
I even considered an open marriage for a while before common sense took over and I realised just wanting it is the death knell of that lovely warm feeling monogamy always gave me.
And so , I am concentrating on friends at the moment and my gay friend quota is up a few 100% s this last year alone which is not bad given lockdown.
Having said this one friend Colin has become a real tonic through the lockdown isolation as he lives in England and our conversations over video and messenger during the long nights that singletons often experience have eased the isolation a great deal.r
Psychotherapist Jon who I met in Sitges last year remains a dear friend as does mave the rave and recently a blind "date" arranged by a work colleague with Fernando the Ecuadorean hotel manager proved to be a hilarious lesson in social distancing and cultural differences.
I feel as though I've met an amigo!!!
So, to sum up, what is it like to be single, gay and 58? I'll say
It's complicated, for sure. At times it's lonely that's another given. Other times it is what it is!..you just have to get on with it.
Single and over 50 gets you judged, probably more than just being gay does nowadays.
''Tis the way of the world
But over all I think I have a clear sense of self amid the bullshit that goes along with the gay world, a world that is rather less forgiving of its seniors than most I may add