Cheers


 I may know a single man in the village who would benefit from meeting Chic Eleanor .
We talked about him today and laughed about it. 
She’s a delight for she’s not adverse at meeting someone new.
We talked about it today in McDonald’s car park 
She asked me who I would like to meet, the kind of guy she could look for
I laughed 
“ A man with an easy smile , who wears a jumper with a hole in it” I told her seriously
She understood where I was coming from 

And we raised our coffee cups in our respective cars......
Cheers 
We toasted 
And she smiled her warm Lee Remick smile



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Thoughts

 Anxiety

Depression

Panic attacks

The trifecta

COVID isn’t 

Getting me

It’s my thoughts

The battle

I fight

Is the one

With my mind

And I’m exhausted 

I can’t remember anything 

My concentration is gone

Focus lacking

I cry

All the time

I’m agitated

And emotionally wrecked

I can’t look

At myself 

In the mirror 



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Training Dorothy and Coffee with Eleanor

 

For over a year I have been walking Dorothy along the site of the Prestatyn / Dyserth railway 



Yesterday we passed a couple who I have nicknamed The Uber Couple, they are a couple I bump into regularly .
Now The Uber Couple are always together and always dressed in some sort of Lycra. In their late fifties they have hips and cheek bones to die for and always walk with a sheepdog collie who is trained to behave within an inch of his life.
Their buttocks glint with the flash of polished steel.
The sheepdog is never leashed, but to be fair he doesn’t have to be because with one click of their fit fingers his owners have him under more control than Trump had over Melania. 
The Uber Couple know about dogs and about dog training and their superiority is palpable 
I always feel like the poor relation when we pass....

Poor relation because when  William and George were alive they used to behave ,as terriers so often do when confronted with farm dogs, they behaved badly .
I did explain to The Uber Couple that the boys had been once attacked by a collie dog at the farm above the village , so they smiled their thin smiles of understanding as their dog trotted by with his nose in the air and  William and George yapped with the zeal of two chihuahuas fighting over a gravy stain.
Winnie of course added to their slightly patronising eyebrow raising as she would deliberately walk in between all of them with a sanguine dry smile and a look which never wavered from the road ahead.
Her amble gave all three of them a massive “ fuck you” message

Anyway Mary has long since followed the William And George school of terrier behaviour and she growls   rather magnificently when we pass but Dorothy with all of her neuroses has tottered forward on her lead with her frightened expression turned away from any strangers.
Now over the past six months I have been letting Dorothy off her lead for short periods whilst down the walkway and when another walker with a dog would come into view I would call her gently to return to be leashed, an order she would always comply to. This habit, we have adhered to until recently, when I felt that Dorothy’s confidence was at its highest. 

Yesterday Uber Couple approached us with all muscles flexed ( they even had on matching bobble hats! ) and as Mary stiffened for some bad behaviour I clicked my fingers and asked Dorothy who was trotting ten feet ahead to return to my side where she walked with what I hoped would be the precision of a police dog.
And she  did so, without a murmur and after we passed the Ubers the lady Uber turned around and commented 
“ You’ve done a great job training that dog .... well done ”
I preened at the praise , so much more than I should of done. 
I almost shed a tear too as Dorothy tottered forward and
With Mary still growling at the end of her lead.



This morning I drove up to McDonald’s to meet Chic Eleanor in the carpark for coffee.
The weather was atrocious but she looked fresh faced and as smiley as ever
“ Darling John..it’s almost like a tryst “ she admitted almost guiltily, pulling a green cashmere scarf tighter around her neck. “ Chin chin “ 
We raised our coffee cups from our respective driver’s seats, our breaths steaming in the cold air
She reminds me of the actress Lee Remick.





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Phoneless

Over at the "LIDL" store on Chesterfield Road there's a sweet little shopworker called Anna from Romania. Last night, when I was at the checkout ready to pay for my shopping, Anna asked if I had "LIDL Plus" on my phone? I said that I didn't have a phone so  I was excluded from using "LIDL Plus". "It is a kind of discrimination," I told her.

"Still, it must be very peaceful - not having a phone," she said.

"Yes it is. I can recommend it. Many people seem addicted to their phones. Checking them out all the time. I don't have that in my life."

Now let me rewind and explain that "LIDL Plus" is a kind of store discount card. It was introduced quite recently. However, there are no actual plastic cards - membership benefits can only be accessed via smartphones. Folk like me who do not possess smartphones are excluded from using the system.

When "LIDL Plus" first came out I had several e-mail communications with the chain's customer services - complaining about this careless discrimination but to no avail. After a while I gave up complaining but it leaves a bitter taste in my mouth. I have been a pretty loyal "LIDL" customer for years but my loyalty is disregarded. 

It's one of the downsides of not having a mobile phone. In fact, I cannot think of many other  negatives.

It's a bit weird living in a world where so many of my fellow citizens are glued to their phones. They just cannot stop looking at them.

One of the things that appals me about smartphones is the sight of young parents checking them out while pushing babies or small children along in their prams or pushchairs. It's as if they are saying - I am proud of you kid and I love you but you are not as interesting as what is on my little screen! Oh you said "birdie" for the first time as that pigeon flew by but Sandy just left me a message on Facebook so please keep schtum child!

And please don't talk to me about drivers using phones behind the wheel. That makes my blood boil with rage.

Apple, Samsung, Facebook and the rest have cunningly designed their systems to keep phone users hooked. In this sense they are bit like dealers who encourage drug addiction.

Modern humans have existed on this planet for about 200,000 years and for 199,950 of those years no one had access to mobile phone technology. People got along fine. Consequently, it makes me chuckle inwardly when anybody expresses anxiety or concern about me walking in the countryside without a phone.  They are like religious converts who pray to the great god Smartphone and cannot understand why there are still a handful of non-believers out here in the wilderness.

Of course, I can see why phones are pretty much essential in various forms of work these days but in my life I have neve arrived at a point where I felt I needed one. I hope that that day never arrives but if it does then okay, I shall also join The Smartphone Cult and feel the benefits of "LIDL Plus".



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