McCartney and Lennon, Rogers and Hammerstein, Rice and Lloyd-Weber, John and Taupin, Gilbert and Sullivan - just a small sample of successful writing duos. And now a new duo have announced themselves to the world of entertainment - Northsider and Pudding. Their first collaboration, "Betty and Gerald" was inspired by the couple sitting on the bench in this picture snapped last year on the island of Tenerife:-
Betty and Gerald
BETTY You know how to give a girl a good time!
(Pause)
(Pause)
BETTY That plant reminds me of the Triffids. Have you read it?
GERALD. Read it? I saw them play live. I even bought a T shirt!
Are that Irish couple still stalking us?
BETTY They're on the other side of the poinsettias.
GERALD Do you think they'd be up for a bit of wife swapping?
BETTY I hope so. He looks a right hunk!
(Pause)
BETTY What do you want for your tea?
GERALD You ring me and ask this question every day when I'm at work.
BETTY. They aren't Irish they're saying "summat" and "nowt" all the time. Are we going to Lidl and we will make some Sangria back at Hotel Bastardo?
GERALD Hi alright.
(Pause)
GERALD Are Summat and Nowt the names of their solicitors or their budgerigars?
BETTY Oh Gerry, you are so old-fashioned! Nobody keeps budgies any more.
GERALD If that's true, why is that Anglo-Irish bloke over there wearing budgie smugglers?
BETTY Are we trying some of that pie hella (paella) for tea Gerald?
GERALD I suppose so. Do they serve chips with it?
(Betty and Gerald rise from the park bench simultaneously and both fart in harmony. They giggle.)
GERALD We are like The Brighouse and Rastrick Brass Band!
BETTY Ha-ha-ha-ha!
BETTY More tea vicar? You've ate all the ruddy cake!
GERALD. Read it? I saw them play live. I even bought a T shirt!
Are that Irish couple still stalking us?
BETTY They're on the other side of the poinsettias.
GERALD Do you think they'd be up for a bit of wife swapping?
BETTY I hope so. He looks a right hunk!
(Pause)
BETTY What do you want for your tea?
GERALD You ring me and ask this question every day when I'm at work.
BETTY. They aren't Irish they're saying "summat" and "nowt" all the time. Are we going to Lidl and we will make some Sangria back at Hotel Bastardo?
GERALD Hi alright.
(Pause)
GERALD Are Summat and Nowt the names of their solicitors or their budgerigars?
BETTY Oh Gerry, you are so old-fashioned! Nobody keeps budgies any more.
GERALD If that's true, why is that Anglo-Irish bloke over there wearing budgie smugglers?
BETTY Are we trying some of that pie hella (paella) for tea Gerald?
GERALD I suppose so. Do they serve chips with it?
(Betty and Gerald rise from the park bench simultaneously and both fart in harmony. They giggle.)
GERALD We are like The Brighouse and Rastrick Brass Band!
BETTY Ha-ha-ha-ha!
BETTY More tea vicar? You've ate all the ruddy cake!
⦿
Any film producers or publishers visiting this blogpost on the lookout for new talent, please understand that Northsider and Pudding will do anything you want if there's a big, fat cheque (American: check) at the end!
Book cover design by William Nutt
from Yorkshire Pudding https://ift.tt/nEGOuTI