One-liners
⦿ My wife says she wants another baby - I'm so glad because I also really don't like the first one. ⦿ A new study recently found that humans eat more bananas than monkeys. It's true. I can't remember the last time I ate a monkey. ⦿ I just read that in New York, someone gets stabbed every 52 seconds. Poor guy. ⦿ My parents raised me as an only child, which really pissed off my sister. ⦿ I have a stepladder because my real ladder left when I was five. ⦿ I have many jokes about unemployed people – sadly none of them work. ⦿ Don't ever think you're completely useless. You can always be used as a bad example. ⦿ I made a website for orphans. It doesn’t have a home page. ⦿ The other day, my girlfriend asked me to pass her her lipstick but I accidentally passed her a glue stick. She still isn't talking to me. ⦿ The cemetery is so crowded. People are just dying to get in. ⦿ I childproofed my house today. Somehow, they still ...