R's rue

There is a well known phenomenon amongst night nurses on long standing night duties and that is the odd sounding Night Nurse paralysis It is rare, often clouded in secrecy and shame ( as many still think it’s a product of mental illness or a feeble mind) but it is an actual condition that affects many when they are properly sleep deprived and stressed Dr Mathew Jones Chester described the paralysis thus “A black shape gathers in the corner of the room, as if from nothing. I can see it, like a huge bat, massive and caped. It fills the room and comes closer and eventually it's around me, cloudy and dark. I feel its pressure and it's holding me and then, under its weight and power, I feel I'm sinking and being dragged down.  'I fight to bring myself back round, but I can't - and this is the awful part - I can't because I'm totally paralysed. The best I can do is make a noise in my throat in the hope I'll bring myself round. It's horrible.” I...

 Lord You've done it Redeeming pain And making it useful and worthwhile the more I've doubted The more you blast the barriers I made The more  tears fall the more  I've made your past Redemptive and necessary for a hurting world to read Cerebral Palsy has given you too much not to pay it back you share now not because you want to I've always made you dissatisfied so you can do  the one thing that makes  life worth living I will never forget A pastor disappointing me for telling me What I needed  to hear not what I wanted And right now The biggest blessing is being told no Do you need  To be told no today from R's rue https://ift.tt/3lyP76U

 As I write And reminisce I remember Her words And with  Each day I become her My smile is hers My love of trinkets Mirrors  her own Every piece  has a memory Her collection of elephants adorn the  desk Where I sit in this moment I use her dishes Daily It's my act of love and desire to keep her alive Even if She is no longer With me from R's rue https://ift.tt/35s5Ov9

  Winnie eating breakfast  this morning Night shifts effect everything and provides a backbone to a new and rather odd routine and mental state. I finish handover at work around 7.45 am and get home around 8.30.  I never really remember the drive home Which is worrying.  I am greeted by all manner of faces and expressions. Sleepy and hopeful from Winnie. Anxious and grateful from Dorothy. Smiling and waggy from Mary Hungry and bad tempered from Albert. Dorothy and Mary are placed in Bluebell,  Winnie has a mammoth pee in the garden and Albert is fed The accidents of the night are mopped up And I take the girls for their walk before returning to feed them separately  There are squabbles if they are not separated I’m too tired for squabbles. Today I’m wrote this at the kitchen table listening to novelist David Mitchell talking to Lauren Laverne I’m about to put a baking potato in the slow cooker for my tea.  I only drink water be...