Betrayal

It is possible to create "photographs" with your eyes. No need for a camera because there isn't always a camera handy so instead you just have to make do with your eyes and the memory card inside your head.

This has been a significant week for Little Phoebe, our darling granddaughter. On Monday, Mama Frances had to go back to work after a full year of paid maternity leave. New arrangements had to be made for Phoebe's care.

Close by Frances and Stew's house there is a modern, well-staffed nursery and before Christmas it was arranged that she would go there for much of the working week. Full days on Mondays and Tuesdays plus Thursday afternoons and Friday mornings. Breaking up the week, she would spend all day Wednesday with Grandma and Grandpa (that's me) and all of Thursday morning too.

We looked after her this morning and then took her to the nursery at half past one. She was happy and had not moaned one iota in the morning. In fact, she had been a delight as per usual. Entering the nursery, she was dressed in her snow leopard coat with a happy smile on her face.

Then Shirley handed her over to one of the young women who works in the baby room. That's when I took the "photograph" with my eyes, I will remember the image for a long, long time I am sure. Suddenly, the happy face crumpled with some unspoken agony that verged on despair. Why were we leaving her there?

She looked at me and she looked at Shirley and reached out a free hand, her little face re-shaped with a kind of horror. But it was too late. We were off. The nursery had advised no tarrying or extra cuddles. We just had to go. She would be perfectly okay in their expert hands. Even so I am left with that haunting image - it felt as though we had betrayed her somehow.

I guess that the new routines will take some getting used to. "Good girl Phoebe! Good girl!"

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And Just Like That

Carrie has turned into a hip 50 something baglady who wears rubber gloves to smoke her cigarettes outside her old apartment .Miranda ended her relationship with Steve in 2 minutes …2 minutes longer than my fucking husband ever gave me the courtesy of doing with me.! 

(A scene that broke my heart) btw

And the whole series has matured quite  nicely in episode 8 …only 2 visits before the whole series finishes ..I do hope it returns as it has a lot more to say about women’s relationships in their 50s

The lunch  meeting between the gals , is always a highlight 

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Feet

 Rainy and wet

By cozy inside

With a warm heart

Beside the fire

To heat 

My cold feet

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Curry & Bluebell

 I often show my affection through food

I’ve told you this before

I know I’m a “ feeder” although I don’t like that epithet per se

It always sounds a bit seedy to me.

I’m off today , back on Friday/Sat so I got up early and made a lamb curry and saag aloo from scratch.

Half I put in the freezer and the other half I boxed up in plastic containers. 

I filled another smaller container with raspberries and took all three to a terribly dirty Bluebell and drove down to the North Wales coast road to Flint.

The coast road used to be the main thoroughfare into and from North Wales and it is now defunct and terribly depressing. Former businesses that once hung on because of the traffic are all sold, boarded up and derelict.

The objective of my trip was just to leave the food on the doorstep of a friend . She has just lost her 30 year old son to covid and I think food can sometimes say more than words can ever can .

Words can sound so puny when grief is overwhelming.

In the end my friend opened the door as soon as I crept up the path, she had noticed and recognised Bluebell’s distinctive colour as it flashed by her kitchen window.

I found a jet wash on the way home and spent a lovely and very therapeutic half hour , cleaning and shampooing and buffing and polishing Bluebell until she shone with the power of Daniel Craig’s eyes 

My friend’s grief , desperately hidden behind smiles and laughs was a heavy thing to witness and mindless cleaning can wipe the psychi clean too.

I stopped at a pet store before I got to Trelawnyd and bought Dorothy a new harness.

I ordered a light gravel to cover the patio and picked up some film magazines as a treat 

The cottage still smelt of curry when I got home 

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