I couldn't engage with anything yesterday.
The VE celebrations left me cold and unmoved and instead of chasing up friends which seems to be a daily occurance in these lockdown times,
I busied myself with mundane action move clips organised from Asian websites and the odd tiktok video of attractive but indulgent young men dancing to camera.
Things that underline the new lockdown norm.
I feel as though there is a change in the air !
Does anyone else feel this way?
My friend Nigel perhaps has underlined the restlessness I feel by explaining my last two years in his usual understated way
" You got through it rather all rather unscathed in my opinion......I'm proud of you"
Time to plan ahead and anew ...that was the subtext of his comment ......and he is right
All of last year I coped with a series of new stressors, a new job, new responsibilities, financial ups and downs and finally a fucking emotional backward step regression revisited by a degree Absolute I thought Would never come
Now I feel that lockdown has given me a chance to take stock and get straight.
Financially now I almost have my head if not above water at least into the shallow end of the pool and over the past few weeks I'm making a whole series of plans for myself , albeit lockdown confined plans, to move forward in this strange new world.
The travel book I bought a few months ago on the city of Venice lies open and read on the top of my book shelf as a constant reminder of future things new and hopeful.
I have my constants now
I have my dogs and my family and my friends and my job and my village position
The Cemetary laburnam has started to flower just this morning , like it does every year,
And this morning I photographed it yet again with a renewed sense of time and place that doesn't need to be stuck in the routine and the tried and tested.
The lockdown means that change isn't immediate
But like all change , it's the mindset that is the most important and when things are lifted and normality creeps back into our lives.
Instead of waiting for things to happen
I will be ready for them
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