The Half Arsed Tree



I bought a half arsed Christmas tree from Sainsbury’s this morning
The check out guy on self service said it looked “ cheerful “ but his heart wasn’t in it.
I thought it would cheer up the corner under the stairs .
It doesn’t .
I bought the dogs some cocktail sausages as a treat and Dorothy hyperventilated herself so much in excitement that I almost had to sit her down with a paper bag over her head.
She was theatrically sick in the living room right next to Albert’s latest pee stain, then ate the vomit without a blink of an eye
Albert forgot that there is a litter tray in the office for him
The carpet cleaner is getting a bashing this month.
I took Eve Randa’s birthday card round and did a few jobs.
It’s a miserable day, dark and damp
And the binmen made me wait in Byron Street for such an age that Mrs Trellis lapped me twice with Blue in tow.
It’s winter and she’s wearing her very erect bobble hat again.
I listened to the entirety of The Big Country by Jerome Moross  and Borodin’s String Quartet on  Classic Fm before the road cleared.
It was raining heavily when I got home. 
I’ve lit the fire and Roger had eaten two fluffy balls from off my new tree in the time it took to turn around 

Halloumi chips for lunch 

Dorothy is  belching and the cottage is filled with the vague smell of sausage 


from Going Gently https://ift.tt/CnRLmNk

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